Younger Boy got home from school today and said, "I'll be honest.  I have homework in social studies, language arts, and math and I am going to start right now."

Thank you "most adult Younger Boy" for being the one who came home today when I didn't feel well.

He finished the homework and was SO PROUD of himself he was almost beaming.  I just wish he could remember this feeling and not the avoidance.

This morning I had a root canal.  My tooth broke in half about a month ago and I have had a temporary since then.

I was at the dentist for about three hours.  I was "lucky" because my tooth had four roots instead of the normal three.  They also found a crack in the tooth next to it so they sealed that as well.

I was really sick afterward so I stayed home for the day.  I was super dizzy and nauseated.  The numbness didn't wear off completely until early evening.

They recommended I take ibuprofen for the next two weeks to keep the swelling down until I go and get the permanent crown.

It was nice to spend the afternoon at home.  I wish I would have felt better to enjoy it.

Middle Boy swears to me he has been doing his therapy homework.  I don't think he has.

Why don't I think he has?  His therapy notebook has been in the car since last Thursday night when he had his individual session.

This morning I asked him to show me the work he has been doing.

This turned into a BIG production.  First he leafed through the notebook "trying to find the work".  Then he pulled out a worksheet from the last step of therapy.  When I mentioned I didn't think that was it he seemed a little bit exasperated.

He knows I know he isn't doing it, because he wouldn't look at me.

He knows the consequence of not being done with it this Thursday.  It isn't going to be done and it isn't going to be pretty.

Prayers for it not to escalate and Middle Boy just accepts the consequence and moves on.

Last night I had THE BEST SLEEP I have had in a long, long time.

It was a little bit cooler in our house.  Everyone seemed to go to bed at a reasonable time and I think I was finally able to let my guard down a little bit and actually sleep.

Praises for a restful nights sleep.

Middle Boy wants to have a friend over this afternoon.  He generally doesn't ask to do much socially so I try to accommodate him when he does.

He has responsibilities which need to be done before tomorrow.

We discuss those responsibilities and how if he agrees to do them his word is a contract and it shows his character whether or not he follows through. 

People in his life have generally not followed through so to him not following through is "no big deal".

I want him to understand it is ABSOLUTELY a big deal.

Praying I am raising men of good character.  Worrying that I am not.

I had a meeting today about foster care at church.  There is a small focus group meeting.

We talked about what each of our passions is in the foster care area.

One of the attenders talked about Safe Families.  They are church-based and step in to help out families before the children are removed from the home.  Their mission sounds AMAZING to me considering our state pulls kids from the home sooner and the kids stay in the system longer.  If they could stay out of the system all together that is a win for EVERYONE.

When I started this journey my passion was simply just the orphan foster child in general.  I think now it is more the permanency of older kids.  Somewhere they can find a family so no one EVER ages out of the system.

We are going to touch base every quarter or so and see if there is something we can do.

It is encouraging.

I have been thinking about the permanency thing for a while now.  There were (and still are) a million reasons why I shouldn't be a mom, but there is one eternal reason why.  I chose that.

Prayers for all foster kids, foster parents and the hearts of those who are considering fostering or adoption or maybe don't even know yet they are considering it!

I am so sick of arguing with Middle Boy.  So sick of it.

This morning I told him I was sorry he would have nothing to do at church during second service while I had a meeting and Younger Boy had youth group.  I was sincere.  I was sorry.  I know that he doesn't like having nothing to do.

He thought I was mocking him so he EXPLODED.  Why don't I ever take responsibility for my actions?  I apologize, but I never mean it.  My actions never change. 

I can hear my old foster care specialist saying to me..."remember when he is saying these things to you he feels them about himself". 

Sometimes that helps. 

I am so sick of the constant verbal attacks.  Sure he is a teenager, but he is over the top with his rudeness and need to be in control.  Over the top.

If I point it out...EVER....not just in the moment I can expect complete escalation which results in name calling and swearing.  I don't like to go there.

Today I had to walk away from him in the hallway at church, because I wanted to cry.

Prayers this gets better.