Monday's post was healing for me.  I'm still learning to be transparent.  That's one of the lessons God has had for me on this journey of motherhood.  Prior to this I believed I was in control and I didn't need to seek help or prayer or really anything.  I got it and things are going well were my common answers for everything.

Increasingly over the last seven years (but seemingly a lifetime) the new me has learned more often than not I don't have it and things going "well" is relative.  I can literally see God's hand in everything almost every day.  Monday as I sat in the probation office with an overflow of emotion leaking out my eyes I knew I needed help.  For the record the old me would have NEVER cried in the probation office waiting area or any public place for that matter.

What I got was lifted up in prayer so much so that I can feel the peace still today. 

I can tell you this...while it is flattering to be called an inspiration and a hero...I am neither.  I am a woman who was called to do something hard....REALLY HARD.  I look back now and wonder "Why me?"  So many things come to mind.  I am still ill-equipped to be a parent.  I had never had biological children and spent the majority of my life "less than interested" in them.  I certainly didn't have any experience with kids from "hard places" and the thought of talking about mental illness in ANYONE scared me to death.  I didn't have the kind of career where being a parent, let alone a single parent, seemed plausible.

I am grateful for the people who reached out to me.  Some of the private messages touched me to the core.  For those of you who work with kids like Will...thank you for loving our kids.  For those of you mamas who have kids like Will and thanked me for being honest, because now you don't feel so alone.  You aren't. 

Thank you all so very much.

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