About a month ago Middle Boy acted inappropriately in one of his classes and was given a late detention.

On the day of the detention he called me to come get him when it was over.

Today I got a call from the school.  He didn't go to the late detention.  So...he has an in-school suspension all day tomorrow.

I am furious.  I am SO SICK of this kind of stuff happening.  Can't anyone just do what they are supposed to anymore?

So...as a result his probation will be extended and we will get to go to court again.  When I reminded him of that he acted shocked.

Really...try thinking ahead....

We are all going to be gone this weekend.

Boarder is at his parent's house for a few days.

Younger Boy is going to the fall retreat at church.

Middle Boy and I are going to a football game, but going a little early so we can spend some time there.

So...Max and Sophie are going to the pet hotel.  This makes me nervous.  They are going to share a suite since they are together all day.  Neither of them has really been around other dogs and I'm not sure how it will go.

Max thinks he's little even though he is up to about 65 pounds now.  He is going to be out of sorts with the "big dogs".

Sophie is a little alpha.  She will try to be the queen of the littles.

I just pray they don't get kicked out.

They are signed up to attend the day camp tomorrow for eight hours.  That's right...eight hours of play for them.

They might not want to come home...unless they get expelled.

Younger Boy has a new friend, S, who he met in the therapy waiting room

S has a pretty significant trauma history and hasn't talked to other kids in public for a couple of years.

He has totally befriended Younger Boy and we have been taking him with us to youth group on Wednesday nights.

It makes my heart smile that maybe we can be a light in S's life.  His mom is AMAZING and BRAVE.  She made choices for her kids that Younger Boy's mom didn't.  For that I commend her and will support her.

Thanks God for putting S and K in our lives.  We love them.

Younger Boy's lying and stealing have escalated to a new high. 

Today in therapy we discussed that while the majority (not all, but the majority) of the theft in the past has occurred in our home he has taken it to a different level with the thefts at school.

Last night he got up during the night and took some of Boarder's food for lunches.  This morning when I found it in his bed he SWORE he didn't put it there.  Then the story changed to he did put it there, but he didn't eat any of it even though he had gone downstairs to get something to eat. 

When Therapist C told him that made no sense he said that he brought that food to his room and ate the raisins out of a box of raisin bran.

We reminded him over and over that this isn't a big deal....just tell the truth.  Couldn't do it.  Still insists that he didn't take or eat any of Boarder's food.

Math homework...SWORE it was done and turned in so I contacted the teacher via email.  No...he didn't turn in the work.  So I asked again.  This time he pulled out his victim card and told me that he did do it, but someone had thrown it away in the classroom so that was probably why the teacher thought it wasn't turned in.  When I searched his backpack for it (and found it) he swore that wasn't the right homework even though it was the right date and the right set of problems.  He insisted it was work he had previously not done (how is that better?).  He even went so far as to rip it up.

This stuff MAKES ME CRAZY.

Younger Boy is proud today....of himself.  It isn't something I see often so it deserves some celebration.

He and a partner got the highest grade of anyone on a science project about matter. 

RAD is a curious thing though, because he said, "Four of my teachers are proud of me.  Isn't it cool that four people are proud of me?"  I said, "I am proud of you, too."  He looked at me and said, "OK."

He posted about it on Facebook and gotten even more congratulations.  Mine matters the least.

At least he is proud....very proud.

Why haven't I been posting lately?  Life is hard.  Really hard.

It is so hard I really don't want to talk about it.

On the days when it is just so hard I don't even want to do this anymore the last thing I want to do is admit that in a post.  Admit defeat.

That's how I feel...defeated.

Everyday there is something that happens that deflates me even more and I just continue down a slippery slope into hating all of this.

Younger Boy's struggles were really just the tip of the iceberg.  He continues to make less than acceptable choices.  Admittedly he is confessing to the poor choices more quickly if that can be considered progress.

Last week it was stealing a dropper bottle from his science teacher.  He first swore she gave it to him and then he swore she knew he had it because she was in the room when he stole it and then he finally admitted to the theft.  He has since returned it and apologized.

His therapist got on his case last week and told him if he doesn't make the choice to do the therapy homework we are just going to stop wasting everyone's time and money.  She told him Older Boy had surpassed him in therapy and that really struck a nerve.  Maybe the motivation he needs.

Middle Boy is a mess.  I have FINALLY figured out his operating procedure.  If something happens and he is angry at himself there is HELL TO PAY for everyone in our home.  Today is one of those days.  He is angry at himself for getting really far behind in school so Boarder and I are being bombarded with blame and accusations.  It is exhausting.  I don't want to do it anymore.

He is VERY HURTFUL to me.  Today he wants me to just f***ing die, because all I have done is ruin every bit of his life for the last two years.  Not one thing good has come from him knowing me.  Not one. 

Apparently I should also be fired from my job, because I am stupid and don't know how to manage anything in life.  I certainly shouldn't be a parent and have a job, because I am not handling either one of them.  His words...not mine.

He is just "waiting for the day" when he can leave this house and never look back.  Don't expect him to contact me once he walks out the door, beccause he won't.  Doesn't care.

He is not doing his community service hours and he doesn't have a job.  We are one quarter into school and he honestly has a class where he hasn't done a SINGLE  thing this year.  No in class assignment.  Nothing.  On the two tests he wrote IDK for every single answer. 

He is apathetic.  He is unmotivated and on the verge of being behind to graduate with his class if at all.

He doesn't get it though.  He will "pull it together".  He "still has time".

I have got to start blogging again.  It makes me feel better and some day maybe I will want to remember these things.  Right now I just pray I can let them go.

I need prayer.  Prayer for spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical strength. 

The details of the behaviors aren't important right now, but Younger Boy needs 24/7 supervision. 

We are working on the possibility of psychiatric care, but that is hard to come by in a mental health system very overcrowded and not equipped for children.

His therapists are working with me to petition for in home help so the rest of us can sleep.  It isn't going to be a quick thing.

There are many OUT OF CONTROL behaviors.

Pray we can keep putting one foot in front of the other and figure out what changed or is going on with Younger Boy.