Therapist A jokes that our house has therapists swarming around it like buzzards...just circling and circling.

That is kind of what it felt like tonight....in a good way.

Therapist J was there to meet with Older Boy.  Their entire discussion centered on the choices made that resulted in his suspension.  Older Boy's justification for punching the other boy was that the other boy was annoying him.  Therapist J asked if Older Boy annoyed him during their session if he should just stand up and punch him in the face.  Older Boy was appalled.  Of course Therapist J shouldn't do that.  When Therapist J pointed out that was EXACTLY what Older Boy had done Older Boy shut down.  For the rest of the session (something like 40 minutes) Older Boy pretended to be sleeping/snoring.  I have to give Therapist J credit...he just kept talking about things he wanted Older Boy to hear.  It was a 40 minute monologue about accountability and taking responsibility when you are in the wrong.  He even threw in some discussion about following directions for good measure.  At the end of the sessions they always report in to me how it goes...I usually can tell by what I overhear during the session.  Of course Older Boy told me it went well.  When pressured by Therapist J he said that he was annoying during the session.  I guess that is a start.

Therapist A was there for family therapy with me and Middle Boy.  We talked about what he thinks about school.  He has been really anxious about school.  When Therapist A and I were both talking about it he covered his head with a blanket and didn't want to talk about it.  I asked Therapist A if it was okay if I just talked to him and she could step in if needed.  He opened up that the school is so big and he doesn't feel like he knows where he is going and he is a perfectionist and he doesn't want to draw attention to himself and he hates being late.  Now I get it.  I totally get it.  He also said he doesn't really feel like he fits in there.  His school is kind of a "wealthy" school.  He said he is the only "foster" there and he doesn't want people to know that.  He said he would just figure it out.  I explained that he doesn't have to do things on his own anymore...we are a team...a family.  At that point he grabbed my hand and said he knows...he just forgets...and he started to cry.  I don't think Therapist A said much more until she and I were wrapping up.  She thinks we don't need her.  She said what she witnessed made her want to cry.  She loves Middle Boy.  She wants him to be happy.  She is going to do three more sessions with us and then check in with us every month or so to see how we are doing. 

I told Middle Boy later and he was relieved.  He has been in therapy for EIGHT years.  He is tired of it.  I would be, too.

Younger Boy did a GREAT job of not interfering with anyone's therapy.  We teased him about being left out and Therapist A asked if we should see if Therapist T could come to the party.  He said he would just wait until their next appointment.

Praises for AMAZING therapists.  If we have to have them...these are the three I want in our home.  They seem to be perfectly matched with the kids they are working with.

Praises for open, honest communication and the start of some healing.

Middle Boy spent all night throwing up.  I am staying home with him today.  I realized during the middle of the night that I am not good when other people are vomiting.  I suspected it before...now I know with 100% certainty.

About an hour ago I got a call from Older Boy's school.  He is suspended for two days for punching another boy in the PE locker room.  Apparently he threw the first three punches.  He is not happy with me now, because I told him he is going to have to stay in his room until the time school would normally get out and that I would bring him lunch.  He is complaining that there is nothing to do in his room.  I explained to him that it isn't my problem.  I wasn't the one who got suspended.

I called Older Boy's daycare to see if he could go there tomorrow.  They are going to check their numbers and get back to me.  I can't miss another day of work.  I'm not sure what I am going to do.

Unfortunately this is my last straw with Older Boy.  I can't do this.  I don't feel like I am getting much help from the state with the exception of Foster Care Specialist and her hands are pretty much tied if his agency won't get us the help he needs.  Last week I felt bad about giving two week notice...this week I don't. 

Prayers for what will happen to Older Boy and what kind of placement they will find for him.

Prayers for Middle Boy feeling better.

On September 14th in court Judge ordered Older Boy's agency to get me help at home.  Foster Care Specialist and I decided to give the agency the benefit of the doubt and give them two weeks to get it started since things like this just aren't instantaneous.

On Thursday of last week Foster Care Specialist wrote the following email:

We would like to put family support services in place in order to attempt to maintain Older Boy's placement in her home.  We have a staff member here who has experience with children like Older Boy nad feel it would be very beneficial for him to work with Older Boy.


Will you let me know your thoughts?

This morning Foster Care Specialist wrote the following email:

Haven't heard back yet on whether we can help with family support.  I staffed this with my supervisor and we are feeling like this is critical to preserve teh placement at this point.

Will you let me know where your agency stands on this?

Here was the reply:

I, too, agree this is critical.  I am checking with my supervisor regarding teh best way to provide this support and will get back to you when a decision is made.

What?  Are you kiddin gme?  On September 14th Judge told you to get this in place.  Is it optional?  What kind of decision can there possibly be?  This is completely a joke!!

Do they really just expect me to suck it up until something else is done?  I am done sucking it up.  I want soemone to actually do something.

Prayers I see positive motion in this soon.  I don't even know what to do anymore.  I am so tired of the nightly/daily battles it is to get anything done at my house.  All evening Older Boy argues over every single thing I ask of him.  All day I spend fighting for him.  I get that he will never know or understand, but I am done.

 

Last night Older Boy swore he was completely caught up in language arts.  He didn't bring anything home so I had no way of verifying it.  It didn't seem realistic, but I didn't have much choice except to give him the benefit of the doubt.

This morning I needed to let Older Boy's daycare know his schedule for the week so I contacted the school to see about academic detentions.  Older Boy not only isn't caught up in language arts he hasn't turned anything in since his academic detention last Wednesday.  Additionally he now needs to do an academic detention for science.

His langauge arts teacher was quite emphatic about whether or not he had completed everything.

Praises for teachers who care and want their students to do well.

Prayers for Older Boy.  I don't know what to do in this situation.  It isn't like I can go to the school and pack his backpack for him every day. 

This morning we went to church.  Older Boy sat with A and his family the same as he does each week.  Younger Boy sat with Mentor R and his family.  Middle Boy sat with me.  Middle Boy wasn't feeling well so he dozed off during part of the service.

Older Boy and Younger Boy went to youth group.  Middle Boy slept in the car during youth group.

After church Older Boy went with Mentor J to have lunch and go to the park to play catch.  When they got back Mentor J said that Older Boy is amazing at frisbee.  He even commented that during the time they were playing frisbee he forgot he was playing with a kid, because Older Boy was so good.

Middle Boy and Younger Boy came home with me and we had lunch.  They played with legos for the majority of the afternoon.

We had dinner and then it was time for homework.  Homework is still my nemesis.  Younger Boy claimed to not have any homework this weekend.  We will see the evidence of the truth to his story at the end of the day tomorrow.  Middle Boy had math...which he HATES.  He didn't get a fair shake in math with all of his moves so he never really completed any learning.  He is smart.  I am working on math with him every night.  He lacks confidence in math...not ability.  Older Boy is supposed to read for 20 minutes per day.  He claimed to have read on the bus on Friday.  I'll give him credit for that, but I am SURE he did not read on either Saturday or today.  He told me he got up in the middle of the night and read for forty minutes.  When I asked what he read he said the book was in his backpack.  Then when I asked him to get the book he got one out of his dresser drawer.  Obviously I know he didn't read for 40 minutes in the middle of the night.  I pointed out I knew this was not truthful and showed him all of the reasons why I didn't believe it.  He also assured me he is completely caught up in language arts.

Older Boy then immediately started jumping up and down and crying telling me it is all my fault, because I never believe him about anything and I don't listen.  I told him I believed him, but still wanted him to read for 20 minutes.  He FREAKED OUT.  He was crying and jumping up and down similar to a temper tantrum you would see in a four year old.  As a result he lost the privilege of his phone.

He explained over and over how I didn't give him a chance to know that he was going to lose his phone and I didn't give him any chances to follow directions.

Prayers that one day these boys would understand that education and responsibility are important.

Middle Boy's CASA was here this afternoon.  She is such a nice woman.  I find the whole process with the CASA interesting since neither of the other boys have a CASA.  A CASA is a court appointed special advocate who sees a foster child once a month for the duration of the time they are in foster care.  They are each assigned a single case and are to be kept up to speed on what is going on with the kiddos.  From what I understand there are not enough of them in the system for everyone who needs one.

CASA took Middle Boy out of a snack.  When they returned she and I talked a little bit.  She asked me how I thought things were going.  She then confided that she has been Middle Boy's CASA for about three years, but has a difficult time drawing things out of him.  I'm not surprised.  He shared with me last week that he does these things, because he is expected to.  The whole topic came up when we were talking about the foster care review board and he said he had no desire to go and meet people who don't know him, but have been making decisions in his life for years.  I can't really blame him.

Therapist T was here to see Younger Boy.  They met for an entire hour.  At the end of the session Therapist T asked me if anything was going on at home he needed to be addressing.  I asked if Younger Boy had mentioned the changes which will be going on with Older Boy.  He didn't.  We talked some about that at the very end of the session.  I asked Younger Boy later why he didn't mention it to Therapist T.  He said he didn't think he would want to know.  I think these kids have been in therapy for so long they don't even have any idea what it should be used for.

Prayers we can use the services provided to us in the way they are intended.  Right now it seems like maybe we are just going through the motions, because the court has asked us to do these things.

Today was not my day.  I was irritated all day.  It was one of those days where no matter what I said no one really followed directions or even seemed to hear me.

At one point in time I had a small meltdown and everyone had to be in timeout at the same time.  If you live here you have to help out.  I am not anyone's maid.

The actual meltdown occurred when I was cleaning an ice cream stain off the carpet.  I went to move the chair where I noticed ice cream had been spilled only to find a HUGE chocolate stain on the carpet.  We had a family meeting to discuss that I will be less angry if you tell me you spilled something all over the carpet than if you try to hide it under furniture.  From the looks of the carpet stains I found it didn't occur to ANYONE to actually try to clean up the spill....just hide it.

We are only eating at the kitchen table until further notice.  You cannot even take a glass of water out of the kitchen unless I give you specific permission...per incident.

I cleaned all of the carpet with the exception of the stairs.  I just didn't have the energy to tackle those.

We had a meeting to discuss whether or not I was being fair.  It was determined by all three boys that what I was asking was not unreasonable.  I was pretty sure it wasn't...I just wanted to verify.

Prayers for patience for me.