Tonight I had good discussions with both boys.
Younger Boy and I talked while Older Boy played outside. He hasn't been eating and he has been really irritable. I asked him what was bothering him, because Therapist had told me that he was uncooperative at therapy the day before and had covered his face the entire time she was trying to talk to him. He started out by telling me he was just tired. I explained that we could go to bed earlier so he wouldn't be so tired. That changed the course of the conversation. He admitted he is worried about Older Boy having to go to the juvenile detention center. He also said he is worried that he will have to leave my home, because of Older Boy. He is tiring of Older Boy's behavior and wishes Older Boy didn't copy him on everything he did. He also wishes Older Boy didn't lie about Younger Boy's behavior.
I assured him that I do not intend to send him away and that I would always be honest with him. I explained that Older Boy's behavior is tough right now, but I am still not going to ask that they leave. We agreed to try to talk every day. He seemed more at ease when we finished talking.
When we got home Older Boy had consequences from his behavior at daycare. I asked him to write letters of apology to Daycare S and Therapist for making them chase after him. He was NOT happy about that. I told him it wasn't a choice and he wasn't going to do anything else until he got it done. He begrudginly sat at the desk and pounded his pencil, but he did it.
He then came upstairs and wanted to watch TV. He isn't watching TV for a week as a result of his behavior the night I had to call 911. When I told him he wouldn't be watching TV he ran to his room screaming about how it isn't fair. He didn't punch anything (that I know of).
When he calmed down I asked him to sit and talk to me. I asked him what happened at daycare. He told me he didn't know. I told him that wasn't good enough. He said he was mad. I asked what he is mad at. He said he is mad that he is in foster care, mad that he doesn't get to live with all of his siblings, mad that he has had to move so many times, and mad that he is stupid. Finally...the truth.
We talked about how Younger Boy's dad used to yell and scream for no reason and get really mad and punch things. I asked if he thought he was like that. He said he thought so. I asked if that was what he wanted to do. He said no. He said Younger Boy's dad used to get mad at things that didn't matter. I asked if he thought he did it. He said yes. He said he wants someone to help him.
Younger Boy was in the room for the discussion about his dad. He said he doesn't want to be like that either.
I explained that is what therapy is for. To help get rid of some of that anger, but for it to go away you need to talk about it. It is Therapist's job to help with that. He has to talk to her and cooperate.
He agreed to talk it out from now on. So did Younger Boy.
I FINALLY feel like we might be getting somewhere....FINALLY.
Pray for wisdom and patience for me as we continue to navigate this messy past of theirs. Pray for healing and understanding for the boys.
Praises that even though yesterday was hard...really hard...good came from it.
Younger Boy and I talked while Older Boy played outside. He hasn't been eating and he has been really irritable. I asked him what was bothering him, because Therapist had told me that he was uncooperative at therapy the day before and had covered his face the entire time she was trying to talk to him. He started out by telling me he was just tired. I explained that we could go to bed earlier so he wouldn't be so tired. That changed the course of the conversation. He admitted he is worried about Older Boy having to go to the juvenile detention center. He also said he is worried that he will have to leave my home, because of Older Boy. He is tiring of Older Boy's behavior and wishes Older Boy didn't copy him on everything he did. He also wishes Older Boy didn't lie about Younger Boy's behavior.
I assured him that I do not intend to send him away and that I would always be honest with him. I explained that Older Boy's behavior is tough right now, but I am still not going to ask that they leave. We agreed to try to talk every day. He seemed more at ease when we finished talking.
When we got home Older Boy had consequences from his behavior at daycare. I asked him to write letters of apology to Daycare S and Therapist for making them chase after him. He was NOT happy about that. I told him it wasn't a choice and he wasn't going to do anything else until he got it done. He begrudginly sat at the desk and pounded his pencil, but he did it.
He then came upstairs and wanted to watch TV. He isn't watching TV for a week as a result of his behavior the night I had to call 911. When I told him he wouldn't be watching TV he ran to his room screaming about how it isn't fair. He didn't punch anything (that I know of).
When he calmed down I asked him to sit and talk to me. I asked him what happened at daycare. He told me he didn't know. I told him that wasn't good enough. He said he was mad. I asked what he is mad at. He said he is mad that he is in foster care, mad that he doesn't get to live with all of his siblings, mad that he has had to move so many times, and mad that he is stupid. Finally...the truth.
We talked about how Younger Boy's dad used to yell and scream for no reason and get really mad and punch things. I asked if he thought he was like that. He said he thought so. I asked if that was what he wanted to do. He said no. He said Younger Boy's dad used to get mad at things that didn't matter. I asked if he thought he did it. He said yes. He said he wants someone to help him.
Younger Boy was in the room for the discussion about his dad. He said he doesn't want to be like that either.
I explained that is what therapy is for. To help get rid of some of that anger, but for it to go away you need to talk about it. It is Therapist's job to help with that. He has to talk to her and cooperate.
He agreed to talk it out from now on. So did Younger Boy.
I FINALLY feel like we might be getting somewhere....FINALLY.
Pray for wisdom and patience for me as we continue to navigate this messy past of theirs. Pray for healing and understanding for the boys.
Praises that even though yesterday was hard...really hard...good came from it.
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