This morning we went to church. Things were really good on the drive there. We sat with Babysitter Z and his family. Worship was good. Younger Boy and I were singing and Older Boy was looking around. Pretty typical for our Sunday mornings.

We sat down to listen to announcements and the service and things started downhill from there. At first Older Boy was sitting between Younger Boy and Babysitter Z. We were sitting in front of Youth Group Leader. At first it was simply Older Boy with his head on his lap. Then he tore a hole in his jeans, then he removed the button-down shirt he was wearing, then he started pounding his head on his knees...POUNDING. This was followed by hitting his head with his fist...HARD. A couple of times I tried to get his attention. I was telling him that if he needed to leave to cool down he could. He couldn't hear a word I was saying. I tried to comfort him by putting my hand softly on his back. Every time I did he would pull away. I couldn't listen to the service. I just sat and prayed for Older Boy. I prayed that God would remove all those demons going through his mind. I prayed that God would somehow give him peace.

I started to cry. We took communion and sang the last worship song and tears rolled down my face. I couldn't quit. Youth Group Leader and Babysitter Z both prayed for me. That is the first time I have cried publicly. I want so badly to help Older Boy, but I know it isn't me who can heal him. I do know the ONE who can.