This morning started off really good. Both boys slept in and got some much needed sleep.

They got up and ate breakfast. We had got some new sketch pads and colored pencils last night and they were sitting on the couch drawing self-portraits.

Since it is so nice outside they decided to go outside in the backyard and play catch. I stayed inside and worked on cleaning the basement. About fifteen minutes later Older Boy was inside saying Younger Boy was purposely making him mad. Older Boy doesn't understand that he is in control of his anger. He decided to go back outside and play. Within ten minutes he was back inside punching walls, kicking furniture, and banging his head on doors, walls, and furniture. He kicked the spindles on the staircase and one broke in half. He kicked his dresser and his bed.

I now know the strategy I was given by Foster Care Specialist and Therapist doesn NOT work. They had suggested I hug him and try to rock him since he is reverting to the age of his trauma. When I tried to do that he immediately started screaming "No...you are hurting me!"

Luckily Mentor R called and it jolted Older Boy out of his rage or I don't know how long it would have gone on.

Younger Boy again spent time in his safe place....which is EXACTLY what he is supposed to do.

I called Agency Hotline to talk about it. We have begun discussing the need to a higher level of care for Older Boy. We are going to try a CTA first, but the availability of CTAs in the community isn't very high.

I don't want to fail Older Boy, but I wonder if I am the right home for him and if I have the skills to help him. I know God does not give me more than I am capable of and will also give me the resources I need to get through nearly anything. Maybe I am not trusting him enough...maybe I need more prayer.

I am so thankful for respite this afternoon. Older Boy is going to his daycare for six hours and Younger Boy is going to Mentor R's. What a blessing!!