As I think about our weeklong break I am apprehensive and optimistic all at the same time.

I am scared that we will take a week long break and come back and nothing will be different. I am also scared that the boys will decide that they do not want to live in my home.

My hope is this break will take us to a place where we can be a family who enjoys each other again. Where every interaction isn't ugly.

I truly feel that God put these boys in my life for a reason. I still want the three of us to be a forever family. More than anything I have ever wanted in my life.

As I sit here I am wondering if I am 99% of the problem right now. I have NEVER in my life had a relationship where I didn't get scared and push the other person away. Scared of the other person leaving so ultimately I made that happen. Maybe it is trust....I don't know.

Pray I can be at peace with God's plan for these relationships, because all things work together for His purpose.