Middle Boy and I had family therapy tonight. It was UGLY. In fact that doesn't even begin to describe it.

He was MAD. Mad at me. Mad at the situation. Thinks he is being treated differently by everyone at church. Angry that anyone even knows that he was at the juvenile center. Just angry.

Basically he blew up. He said his peace and then left the room and shut himself in his room.

Afterward Therapist A and I talked. It was good. She asked if I knew from the blow up that he is actually saying that he thinks I am treating him differently, but that it is too hard to say those words.

She said that previously she could come in our home and it was natural and happy. Now she says the tension is so thick that it is almost uncomfortable. She and I talked about MY feelings about Middle Boy being back home and how I had to discuss those with Middle Boy.

I'm scared of losing him again. Those eight weeks when he was gone were HELL for me. I freak out if he is doing anything at all that I perceive to be "not following the rules" and I don't think it is funny if he makes jokes about going back to the center.

His way of coping is to make light of the situation. Mine is to try to gain control. It isn't working. Plus we both have tendencies to act in a passive-aggressive way so it is always a struggle.

After she left I talked to him about my fears. Fears that I honestly didn't really realize that I had until Therapist A said something to me. I don't know if he understood or not, but I asked for grace as I try to figure this out.

Praises for people in our lives who help us to grow and for communication that is open and honest.