Life at my house is uncomfortable for me. I am learning and growing from it nearly every day.

There are so many things I am learning, but the one that I think makes me the MOST uncomfortable is talking through emotions.

I didn't grow up in a house where people talked about feelings. People didn't really show anger or frustration. Everything was just really neutral...or at least that is my perception. At this point in life I don't know if I view it as good or bad, it just is what is was.

Life at my house is NOTHING like that. So for really the first time in my own life I am having to navigate all of these things while trying to model the appropriate way to deal with them to kiddos who have not had the appropriate modeling in the past. I'm struggling. I am trying to give myself a break, but this is where I feel I am failing. I interact in ugly ways. I match ugly with ugly. To date I am not sure I started the ugliness, but I probably have.

I always apologize for ugly words that come out of my mouth. Usually it is words spoken in frustration and almost always when I feel threatened. That doesn't justify it.

Pray for me to be able to interact with the boys in a healthy way. For me to be able to model interactions including frustration and disappointment without being ugly. I still want to be real, but I want to model the way our Heavenly Father treats us...and I am currently so VERY FAR from it.