This morning I am sad.  I am really grieving my life before the boys moved in.  A life when I could reasonably expect the outcome of decisions and my own actions.

A life where every single thing isn't a battle.  Where there can be a day of just being.

I cried...for a long time I cried.  Sophie licked away my tears as I held her and cried.

This life I have been given by  God is hard.  Not a day goes by where something isn't just really hard or really emotional or really awful.

It is teaching me to keep my eyes on Him.  To really pay attention to the things that go well, because right now they seem so very rare.