Younger Boy is still with Mom and Dad J.  They are dropping him off at school today.

Middle Boy has been with me the majority of the weekend.  He was going to go with Mentor L for the weekend, but Middle Boy is so freaked out about Grandpa that he wanted to be with me.

It has been a mixed blessing for me.  In ways it was comforting to have him around.

He is NOT dealing with this well right now.  I am trying really hard to help him, but honestly I don't have the emotional capacity to do it right now.

His worry comes out in anger directed at me.  He lashes out about everything.

Saturday night when we got home he was a mess.  He was so worried about Grandpa.  He was screaming at me.  We ended up going outside and just throwing rocks as hard as we could at the side of the front porch.  It was a better way to get rid of some of that emotion.

Sunday during the day Middle Boy was great.  We came home though and he completely melted down.  He is convinced that if something happens to Grandpa it will be a result of him being a horrible son to me.  He is a failure at keeping Grandpa alive.

I told Middle Boy I am proud of him.  He has spent two days sitting at the hospital where he was in the psychiatric ward for multiple weeks.  His view out of the waiting room was exactly the same as out of his room.  I told him I was proud of him for being there for family and being a part of it.  I am proud of him for making Grandma laugh by telling her about the Globetrotters.

He went into an angry rage.  He wanted to go to the hospital....NOW.  I couldn't.  I'm exhausted.  I needed to sleep.  He paced around the house like a caged animal.  He was screaming and crying.

I am incapable of helping him right now.  On a good day I would be hard pressed to help him.  This wasn't a good day.  Every time he talks to me I just start crying.  I want to help him.  I want to help Grandpa.

Prayers for wisdom for me.  Prayers for healing for Middle Boy...the emotional kind.  Prayers for healing for Grandpa...the physical kind.