Former Foster Care Specialist and I talked this afternoon.

She convinced me that now is not the time to make any decisions about anything since there have been so many changes and stressors in my life in the last few weeks.

Agency is going to try to find respite for the next week or so just to give me a break.

A friend emailed me today and asked me to list for her the things I think I need. Here's what I said in no particular order... I need someone to take the boys and manage them without my help. I need a break. I need my dad to get better. I need to get some things done and out of here at work. I need sleep that isn't interrupted continually throughout the night. I need to cry. I have since thought about it and I need to go to church and I need some peace in just one area of my life.

Former Foster Care Specialist made me promise to not make a decision about the boys for six weeks. If needed they will get me respite for that long. My boys aren't the kind of boys respite people jump at the chance to take though. It could be a few days before they find anyone. I'm mentally prepared for that....right this minute. I don't even know if probation officer would okay it for Middle Boy anyway.

I'm tired. I'm thankful for friends I have talked to in the last couple of days. I love you all. Thanks for praying and listening.