Tonight was AWFUL....100% AWFUL.

What started as a simple conversation over dinner EXPLODED.

Middle Boy and I were talking about him getting caught up in Spanish.  I suggested that he take 30 minutes a day over the break to get himself caught up.  Nope...he is ENTITLED to a break.  I told him I didn't think 30 minutes a day were unreasonable considering he would be free to do pretty much whatever within reason the remainder of the day.

This is when he started SCREAMING that I am an unreasonable parent and I do NOT listen...just interrupt.  Never want to hear his side of the story.  When I don't say anything it continues to escalate to degrading of me as a person.  I am stupid.  I don't deserve to have kids.  I am the worst parent he has ever lived with.

I told him I needed a break from the screaming or I was going to lose it.  I went in the other room.  He followed me screaming "you're just like everyone else...abandoning me.  Go ahead, call 911.  Maybe they can get me out of this f****** home.  You don't want me in this family anyway.  All you do is threaten to make me leave.  You are a f****** b**** anyway.  You want ugly disrespectful behavior, here you go b****".

I didn't say a word.  Honestly it takes EVERY OUNCE of strength I have to not fight back.  To not SCREAM. 

He started screaming "Go ahead, tell me I am abusive.  Tell me you are scared of me.  I dare you."

This went on for more than an hour.  At one point I had to just mentally check out.  If I cry at all he screams that I am so weak.

Later...when we got to the remorseful/reconnection phase he was able to cognitively tell me that my leaving the room trigger him and that he thought I was going to leave forever.  He also said he wants to stop.  He doesn't want to yell at me like that.  He knows that he is abusing me verbally, but he doesn't know how to be appropriately mad (his words, not mine).

Pray for our family.  I wish I could say this kind of thing doesn't happen often, but it does.