This could have been one of our WORST mornings EVER.
As I reflect on the events of this morning I am speechless....completely speechless.
It started with me asking Middle Boy to grab a bag of recycling on his way out the door to the car. Not unreasonable in my opinion. He is walking through the garage. That is where we keep the recycling container. My "error" was that recycling is Younger Boy's job and trash is Middle Boy's job. I had bagged it. I just asked him to carry it, because my hands were full.
It escalated beyond belief. He threatened Younger Boy that he better do Middle Boy's job next time or else. When I asked him not to threaten Younger Boy that was an accusation. He "hates" accusations. I should know that by now. That is the ONE thing that makes him instantly "pissed off". Who the f*** do I think I am asking him to do someone else's work? When I asked him to calm down he screamed "you started this...get it right". Maybe I should focus on the feelings of others. Maybe if I could see that he is trying then I wouldn't be such a b**** to him. I never apologize for anything. I don't take responsibility for my actions. He is the only one putting forth ANY effort in relationships in our family. No one is trying to change except him and it isn't fair.
All of this screamed at me....at the top of his lungs.
At one point I asked him to calm down and take a deep breath. At that point he screamed "stop calling me mentally retarded". What? I just said calm down and take a deep breath. Clearly he is hearing someone else's voice in his head.
I asked him to please stop. Look at me. Think about the present. Feel his feet on the floor. This seemed to bring him back which resulted in crying...uncontrollable sobbing.
I'm exhausted. It is so hard to be verbally and emotionally abused like that. This morning it hurt and I am having a hard time forgiving him. I really want to, but I am really struggling.
Pray for me to soften my heart and be able to forgive him. To give my hurt over to God.
As I reflect on the events of this morning I am speechless....completely speechless.
It started with me asking Middle Boy to grab a bag of recycling on his way out the door to the car. Not unreasonable in my opinion. He is walking through the garage. That is where we keep the recycling container. My "error" was that recycling is Younger Boy's job and trash is Middle Boy's job. I had bagged it. I just asked him to carry it, because my hands were full.
It escalated beyond belief. He threatened Younger Boy that he better do Middle Boy's job next time or else. When I asked him not to threaten Younger Boy that was an accusation. He "hates" accusations. I should know that by now. That is the ONE thing that makes him instantly "pissed off". Who the f*** do I think I am asking him to do someone else's work? When I asked him to calm down he screamed "you started this...get it right". Maybe I should focus on the feelings of others. Maybe if I could see that he is trying then I wouldn't be such a b**** to him. I never apologize for anything. I don't take responsibility for my actions. He is the only one putting forth ANY effort in relationships in our family. No one is trying to change except him and it isn't fair.
All of this screamed at me....at the top of his lungs.
At one point I asked him to calm down and take a deep breath. At that point he screamed "stop calling me mentally retarded". What? I just said calm down and take a deep breath. Clearly he is hearing someone else's voice in his head.
I asked him to please stop. Look at me. Think about the present. Feel his feet on the floor. This seemed to bring him back which resulted in crying...uncontrollable sobbing.
I'm exhausted. It is so hard to be verbally and emotionally abused like that. This morning it hurt and I am having a hard time forgiving him. I really want to, but I am really struggling.
Pray for me to soften my heart and be able to forgive him. To give my hurt over to God.
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