Again tonight I got Middle Boy's speech on how starting today he is really going to start trying in school and therapy.

I asked him what his plan was.  He said "start trying".  I explained that is not a plan.  It is an expected outcome.  I told him he needs a plan.  When is he going to do homework?  Where?  For how long?

What I found out is that he hates questions like this.  I should just get off his back and let him handle it.  My asking questions makes him not want to do anything.  He just isn't going to work in school anymore.

I explained it really isn't a punishment to me.  I am not the one who will have to deal with the feelings associated with it and the consequences of not graduating from high school.

I asked him what would motivate him.  I know it isn't consequences.  It isn't rewards.  It isn't getting involved and it isn't backing off.  It isn't trying to help and it isn't not trying to help.  From where I stand it isn't anything.

I asked him what he would do if he were the parent and the child was doing what he was doing.  He can't get outside himself enough to answer that.  All he could say is "I'm not the parent and I don't answer questions like that."

So...he is going to start trying.  No evidence yet on night one.  I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but honestly he has "started trying" more than ten times since he has lived in my home.  It doesn't hold much weight with me anymore.

He expects a "gold star", pat on the back, praise...whatever for doing more than he has been, but still not meeting his obligations.  I told him he will absolutely get all of those things when he is meeting the basic requirements of school.  He will not get kudos for not meeting his responsibilities.

Here's what it got me..."Living with you is a big mistake.  Whatever, genius."

Lucky me.

Pray for me to be able to figure out how to help him and to not lose my cool in the meantime.  He pushes my buttons like no other.
1 Response
  1. DeeDee Says:

    Are you sure we don't live in the same home??? I had a conversation with Oldest Son last night, last week, the week before & the week before that which was basically the same. He is going to start trying but he went from failing 1 class to failing 2 classes and his grades dropped in 2 other classes…that is not my definition of “trying”.

    One day he had pushed my buttons so bad, it was my entirely fault so I decided not take him to school that day. We live less than a mile, he can walk (he had plenty of time), if he didn't make it on-time he couldn't play football that night...not my problem.

    Praying that we both find out how to help our oldest sons without an explosion in the process (every button pushed out of control).

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