"I just ruin everything."  This is the automatic response Younger Boy has nearly every single time he makes a mistake.  It literally can be as little as spilling a drink.

Therapist D decided to ask him what he thinks he is ruining.  Is it the relationship with me?  Is it love?  What is it?

He is CONVINCED that making a mistake causes me to love him a little less each time and then when it reaches a certain point he will have to move.  Adoption and permanency doesn't matter.  I will stop loving him.

He is also convinced if Middle Boy or his teachers see a mistake they will not like him.

SO...he is paralyzed by fear and then lying when he has to.

We started working on this today with EMDR.  We role played answering questions and talking about love.

We talked about how doing nice things doesn't make someone love you more.

We talked about "no matter what" love.

He isn't convinced.  No where near it, but now we can work on it.