Tonight when I picked up Middle Boy he was SO TIRED. Honestly he was a mess.
He immediately started in on how I ruined his day by making him mad this morning.
I stopped him and asked if he thought a part of it was because he was so very tired. I also tried to discuss with him what Younger Boy and I had discussed in therapy. I asked him why he had stayed up late the previous two nights. He said because he felt like it.
I told him that to me it felt a lot like he was trying to get back at me for being gone. That he was mad and so he decided to make me mad.
He immediately countered with the fact that he NEVER intentionally tries to make me mad, but admitted that sometimes he works very hard to be irritating.
I asked him again what his reasoning was for staying up late and he told me it is because there are all these "mixed up" things going through his brain and it won't relax. I asked him what kind of things. His answer "thoughts and feelings". Really? That might have not occurred to me! It was also an indication that it is likely just random things he isn't attuned to.
I told him I would MUCH rather have him talk to me when he can't sleep instead of me thinking he was staying up late just to make me mad. He has to come to me though. I can't mind read between the two. I asked who had the responsibility when the thoughts were too much. He said he did. I asked what he should do and he said "I don't know." AARGH!! Yes, you do. You don't want to do it, because then you can stay up late, because even though it isn't a conscious decision you are still choosing it and it is meeting a need you have.
I also mentioned to him that Younger Boy had told me Middle Boy hurts his feelings, because he doesn't know when he was joking. Middle Boy immediately started to argue with me. I explained I was just passing on the information and that when we got home we would figure it out.
He felt HORRIBLE about hurting Younger Boy's feelings AND agreed he needed more sleep tonight.
Praises for insight.
He immediately started in on how I ruined his day by making him mad this morning.
I stopped him and asked if he thought a part of it was because he was so very tired. I also tried to discuss with him what Younger Boy and I had discussed in therapy. I asked him why he had stayed up late the previous two nights. He said because he felt like it.
I told him that to me it felt a lot like he was trying to get back at me for being gone. That he was mad and so he decided to make me mad.
He immediately countered with the fact that he NEVER intentionally tries to make me mad, but admitted that sometimes he works very hard to be irritating.
I asked him again what his reasoning was for staying up late and he told me it is because there are all these "mixed up" things going through his brain and it won't relax. I asked him what kind of things. His answer "thoughts and feelings". Really? That might have not occurred to me! It was also an indication that it is likely just random things he isn't attuned to.
I told him I would MUCH rather have him talk to me when he can't sleep instead of me thinking he was staying up late just to make me mad. He has to come to me though. I can't mind read between the two. I asked who had the responsibility when the thoughts were too much. He said he did. I asked what he should do and he said "I don't know." AARGH!! Yes, you do. You don't want to do it, because then you can stay up late, because even though it isn't a conscious decision you are still choosing it and it is meeting a need you have.
I also mentioned to him that Younger Boy had told me Middle Boy hurts his feelings, because he doesn't know when he was joking. Middle Boy immediately started to argue with me. I explained I was just passing on the information and that when we got home we would figure it out.
He felt HORRIBLE about hurting Younger Boy's feelings AND agreed he needed more sleep tonight.
Praises for insight.
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