Middle Boy needs some "mom" time.
Tonight after Younger Boy went to bed Middle Boy wanted to sit on the couch and talk.
He is thinking through so many things right now. He is frustrated with himself about his therapy homework. He wants therapy to be over, but he doesn't want to do the work. We talked a lot about why it might be. The reasons really don't have anything to do with it being a consequence for poor decision making. It has more to do with confusion. He said he does fine until there is something he doesn't understand or is too hard and then his mind shuts down and he can't make himself do it. That is pretty self aware for a 15 year old boy with a history of trauma. Geesh...it's pretty self aware for nearly anyone. He said it makes him angry at himself and that makes it worse.
I told him we could work on him not getting to the point of frustration. We could talk through each assignment before he works on it and that he could come to me with questions. I would do my absolute best to help him.
He also wanted to talk about all of the things he is stressed out about. Very real things.
He is stressed out about how much we have to do to get the house packed up for the move. He is right, but this is NOT his burden to carry. Will he have to help? Absolutely, but not his to carry. I explained he doesn't have to worry about that stuff. We will get moved. It will all work out.
The adoption is stressing him out. He still is not 100% convinced it is going to happen. As it drags out he is SURE he is going to do something which will make me change my mind. It isn't going to happen, but until we are in the court room at the end of the proceedings I think then he will finally get it. He is also worrying about what he might have to say in court. I told him I didn't know, because I had never adopted anyone before, but I would try to find out. He thought it was good, because he has never been adopted before either.
The move in general is stressing him out. Moving has a negative connotation associated with it for both boys. It usually means throw your stuff in a bag and hope for the best. This time we might be throwing our stuff in bags, but EVERYTHING is going.
He is stressed out about his medications. He recently went back on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. He was FREAKING OUT when he found out it was a twice a day pill. He kept telling me he couldn't do it. There was no way. I was confused and thought he meant he didn't want to take that much medication. What he was really worried about was not being able to remember to take them twice a day. I told him it isn't his job. It is my job to remind him and make sure he takes them. It is my job to separate the pills. All he has to do is put them in his mouth and swallow them. This seemed to take a huge weight off his shoulders. He honestly believed it was entirely his responsibility to make sure it happened.
He asked if we could talk more often. Absolutely. We can talk every single day if he would like. He really wants to trust me to help him, but it is so very hard for him.
Prayers for communication to stay open with both boys. As I grow to understand them better it is so very important.
Tonight after Younger Boy went to bed Middle Boy wanted to sit on the couch and talk.
He is thinking through so many things right now. He is frustrated with himself about his therapy homework. He wants therapy to be over, but he doesn't want to do the work. We talked a lot about why it might be. The reasons really don't have anything to do with it being a consequence for poor decision making. It has more to do with confusion. He said he does fine until there is something he doesn't understand or is too hard and then his mind shuts down and he can't make himself do it. That is pretty self aware for a 15 year old boy with a history of trauma. Geesh...it's pretty self aware for nearly anyone. He said it makes him angry at himself and that makes it worse.
I told him we could work on him not getting to the point of frustration. We could talk through each assignment before he works on it and that he could come to me with questions. I would do my absolute best to help him.
He also wanted to talk about all of the things he is stressed out about. Very real things.
He is stressed out about how much we have to do to get the house packed up for the move. He is right, but this is NOT his burden to carry. Will he have to help? Absolutely, but not his to carry. I explained he doesn't have to worry about that stuff. We will get moved. It will all work out.
The adoption is stressing him out. He still is not 100% convinced it is going to happen. As it drags out he is SURE he is going to do something which will make me change my mind. It isn't going to happen, but until we are in the court room at the end of the proceedings I think then he will finally get it. He is also worrying about what he might have to say in court. I told him I didn't know, because I had never adopted anyone before, but I would try to find out. He thought it was good, because he has never been adopted before either.
The move in general is stressing him out. Moving has a negative connotation associated with it for both boys. It usually means throw your stuff in a bag and hope for the best. This time we might be throwing our stuff in bags, but EVERYTHING is going.
He is stressed out about his medications. He recently went back on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. He was FREAKING OUT when he found out it was a twice a day pill. He kept telling me he couldn't do it. There was no way. I was confused and thought he meant he didn't want to take that much medication. What he was really worried about was not being able to remember to take them twice a day. I told him it isn't his job. It is my job to remind him and make sure he takes them. It is my job to separate the pills. All he has to do is put them in his mouth and swallow them. This seemed to take a huge weight off his shoulders. He honestly believed it was entirely his responsibility to make sure it happened.
He asked if we could talk more often. Absolutely. We can talk every single day if he would like. He really wants to trust me to help him, but it is so very hard for him.
Prayers for communication to stay open with both boys. As I grow to understand them better it is so very important.
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