Over lunch I had my therapy.

We talked spent the majority of the time talking about the texts I got last Wednesday from Middle Boy after school. 

We talked about how he is emotionally and verbally abusing me when he does that.  We talked about how that makes me feel.  We talked about how I process it and how I deal with it.

Here's the thing.  I don't think I ever really process it.  I am so busy that there really isn't time to dwell on it.  In M's words it is going to come out all sideways in some way.  Most likely health wise.

We talked about how often that form of abuse happens.  When he swears at me and calls me names.  I don't know maybe 2 or 3 times a month. 

She wanted to confirm with me that I know NO ONE deserves to be talked to that way and that one time is one time too many.  She wanted to make sure I didn't believe those things about myself.

Here is the danger though.  Once someone is constantly telling you those things you need to KNOW without a doubt they are not true.

She asked if I thought he could stop.  I don't know.  Ultimately what I want is for him to NEVER talk to anyone else that way again.  Does that mean that I am going to take it from him so no one else has to suffer through it.  Maybe...for a while.

His verbal anger is OVER THE TOP.  I am not scared of him physically at all.  It really doesn't scare me when he is emotionally abusive.  It just makes me sad.  Sad about what has happened to him in the past to make him think this is right and that he gets this angry.

There is a pattern to it.  It never ends up being about what he initially got angry over.  It always ends up being about me not listening and interrupting.  Even if I haven't said a word.

I hate TRAUMA.  I hate what it has done to BOTH of my boys.  I KNOW that God can heal all of this.

Pray for me to be able to not take his words to heart and to find a way to process them.