Over the past three or four weeks I have become painfully aware of the lack of attachment that is happening in our home.

It is so very hard to have kids in your home who may or may not ever attach. Who are oblivious to the feelings of others, because their own have never been nurtured and they can't even identify them. Where every imaginable emotion comes out as anger.

I am struggling because I want so very badly to have them attach to me. To be able to look me in the eye when they are talking to me. To want to be comforted when they are struggling.

It just isn't happening. I wish more than anything I knew how to work on it. How to fix it. There are so many times when I wonder if this is going to work. Am I able to live a forever life with no validation that either boy even cares?

I'm not expecting it to be all hugs and I love yous. Honestly I'm not really like that, but right now I feel like I am getting nothing and giving everything. I wonder how long I can keep it up.

Forever I will believe that this is where God wants me right now in my life. I just don't understand.

Prayers for my feelings about attachment to change and for the boys to one day be able to attach. With HIM all things are possible.