I have spent such a great amount of time in recent days focusing on the negative. The things about the boys that make me crazy and make me want to give up.
Today I want to think about each of the boys in a positive light...about the things that make me love them just because.
Middle Boy
...the way you care for Sophie and snuggle with her at bedtime makes me know you have so much love in your heart to give.
...your fierce loyalty to Younger Boy and me cause me to know that one day you will be a great protector of your own family.
...your love of music makes my heart sing...even if it isn't something I would ever choose to listen to.
...your talent when writing rap music astonishes me every time I hear one of the songs...especially the ones written "just for me".
...your shyness when it comes to talking to others reminds me you are still a kid who needs someone to help him out even when you don't think you do.
...when you cook us one of your "creations" I am reminded not only of your joy of cooking, but also your joy of taking care of us.
...when you want me to just sit and hold your hand I am reminded of the little boy I never knew, but the one who still longs for comfort and bonding.
...your thoughts about God in your life make me want to be a better person.
...when you say "this is what a real family is like" I know you are finally in a place where you feel love and acceptance and most importantly safe.
...because you "just know" I am supposed to be your mom and you tell me we have been connected at the heart for longer than we've known each other...I feel that way, too.
Younger Boy
...your laughter when you are playing with Sophie is contagious. The two of you chasing each other around the house with her barking and growling and your laughter always fills my heart with joy.
...your desire to tell your friends about God never ceases to amaze me. You just put yourself out there and tell it like it is. You don't care if people make fun of you. You stand by your convictions.
...when you are freshly showered and you have "fixed" your hair in one of those crazy ways of yours I think you have to be one of the cutest kids I have ever seen.
...the times you stop what you are doing to come over to me and tell me you love me melt my heart.
...the pictures you draw for me show me your amazing talent and your thoughtfulness.
...when you say "sarcasm" quietly to yourself when Middle Boy talks to you in his sarcastic way it makes me know you think of him as the big brother you long to have.
...when you pray at dinner time I know it is straight from your heart...especially when you pray for "the people on the streets, whoever they are" every single night.
...at dinner out when you tell me this time you are going with a "big boy meal" instead of eating off the kids menu, even though you can't finish a kids meal
...those times when you insist on picking up dog poop with your bare hands, because you don't want to waste a paper towel it grosses me out, but I see thoughtful consideration in you.
...when you want me to read to you "just because" I know you want to be close to me and just hear my voice.
For these reasons and so many more I know you are meant to be here forever. God has something for me to learn through all of the trials we have faced and are yet to encounter, BUT....
....you have given me greater joy...Psalm 4:7.
Today I want to think about each of the boys in a positive light...about the things that make me love them just because.
Middle Boy
...the way you care for Sophie and snuggle with her at bedtime makes me know you have so much love in your heart to give.
...your fierce loyalty to Younger Boy and me cause me to know that one day you will be a great protector of your own family.
...your love of music makes my heart sing...even if it isn't something I would ever choose to listen to.
...your talent when writing rap music astonishes me every time I hear one of the songs...especially the ones written "just for me".
...your shyness when it comes to talking to others reminds me you are still a kid who needs someone to help him out even when you don't think you do.
...when you cook us one of your "creations" I am reminded not only of your joy of cooking, but also your joy of taking care of us.
...when you want me to just sit and hold your hand I am reminded of the little boy I never knew, but the one who still longs for comfort and bonding.
...your thoughts about God in your life make me want to be a better person.
...when you say "this is what a real family is like" I know you are finally in a place where you feel love and acceptance and most importantly safe.
...because you "just know" I am supposed to be your mom and you tell me we have been connected at the heart for longer than we've known each other...I feel that way, too.
Younger Boy
...your laughter when you are playing with Sophie is contagious. The two of you chasing each other around the house with her barking and growling and your laughter always fills my heart with joy.
...your desire to tell your friends about God never ceases to amaze me. You just put yourself out there and tell it like it is. You don't care if people make fun of you. You stand by your convictions.
...when you are freshly showered and you have "fixed" your hair in one of those crazy ways of yours I think you have to be one of the cutest kids I have ever seen.
...the times you stop what you are doing to come over to me and tell me you love me melt my heart.
...the pictures you draw for me show me your amazing talent and your thoughtfulness.
...when you say "sarcasm" quietly to yourself when Middle Boy talks to you in his sarcastic way it makes me know you think of him as the big brother you long to have.
...when you pray at dinner time I know it is straight from your heart...especially when you pray for "the people on the streets, whoever they are" every single night.
...at dinner out when you tell me this time you are going with a "big boy meal" instead of eating off the kids menu, even though you can't finish a kids meal
...those times when you insist on picking up dog poop with your bare hands, because you don't want to waste a paper towel it grosses me out, but I see thoughtful consideration in you.
...when you want me to read to you "just because" I know you want to be close to me and just hear my voice.
For these reasons and so many more I know you are meant to be here forever. God has something for me to learn through all of the trials we have faced and are yet to encounter, BUT....
....you have given me greater joy...Psalm 4:7.
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