Middle Boy did his interview for the adoption home study tonight.  It was interesting, really cool, and heartbreaking all at the same time.

He was asked why he wants to be adopted by me.  He answered that he just knows that I am supposed to be his mom.

He was asked to describe me.  The first thing he said was boring.  He also said Christian, compassionate, loving, patient, and kind.  The interviewer asked him to explain the boring.  He said that he meant that things aren't always chaotic with me.  Does he live in the same house I do?  Once he explained it I figured out that he meant that things don't really seem to bother me and I don't get worked up and freak out...at least not all the time.

He was asked how he knows that I love him.  He said he knows because I provide him with shelter, food, and clothing.  At first I thought maybe he was joking, but he was dead serious.  That breaks my heart.  He feels loved, because I am providing the bare necessities he needs for survival.  I love him so much more than that.  It made me wonder if this is the first time he has ever felt like he has what he needs to just survive.  It also made me want to be a much better mom to him.  He knows I love him.

He hated all of the questions.  He was asked what we argue about.  He said that we have been struggling with trust lately and that is the main cause of all of our troubles.  Right again.  It all boils down to trust.

When the interviewer left I thanked him for participating in the interview and told him I loved him.  He came to me and gave me a hug and kissed my cheek and said he loves me, too.  It is in those rare moments that the frustration of lack of attachment melts away and I am able to continue going on.

Praises for insight through unexpected avenues.  Praises for sweet discussions and honesty.