As I sit here tonight I am conflicted about our future as a family. I keep going back and forth.

My heart says that I want these boys to live here forever. My head says that I can't do this anymore.

I have been crying out to God trying to understand what it is that I am supposed to do.

Middle Boy and I chatted online earlier and honestly it confirmed what my head is saying.

I really badly want to feel differently. I really do.

If it were behaviors that were making me want to end this I think it would be easier, but it isn't...it is me. The behaviors aren't helping, but it is me.

Prayers for how to go forward. Wisdom in what to do. The ability to see God's will and follow it.