I miss Foster Care Specialist M.  A lot. 

Talking to her today made me realize that I used her as an outlet when things were frustrating and hard.  I don't have that with my new foster care specialist.  It isn't that I don't like her.  I do.  I just don't have the energy to develop a relationship with another new worker.

M and I talked for quite a while.  I told her how I have been feeling and the behaviors I have been troubled with.  I told her how I don't feel like these boys care and how I think I am not making a difference.  I confessed that I was close to putting in my notice on both boys earlier this week and walking away from it all.

Her words of advice to me, unsolicited as she pointed out, were this...

"Stop considering having the boys move out is an option.  You can and do give them everything they need and if you can't figure it out or provide it you fight for them to get it.  There isn't anyone except for God who knows more of what they need.  Stop using your energy to wonder if them living with you is right.  It is right.  Use your energy to make it better for all of you.  If these were your biological kids you wouldn't be wondering if you should give up.  You would stay in there and fight.  So fight."

She's right...she usually is.  She knows what I need to hear yet she is a huge cheerleader of mine.  I have never for a moment thought that she wasn't on my side.  She is one of the few people in the system I have felt this about.

Praises for M.  Praises we might be able to have her back in our lives on a regular basis.  Praises for her friendship.
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