Honestly I don't know what started it.  Maybe he was tired.  I just don't know.

In the evenings I have been making it a point to talk to each boy individually about all of the positives of their day that I saw.

Younger Boy had quite a few.  He followed the directions my sisters gave him and was for the most part respectful while we were at the zoo and later.  He was kind when dealing with his younger cousins and was also helpful.

Middle Boy also had quite a few.  He was helpful with his younger cousins.  He didn't complain when he was not feeling well at the zoo and wanted to go home.  He was patient when he was waiting to go swimming.  I told him I was proud of him.

That turned into a MESS!!  He immediately shut down.  I started going through all of the words I had just said.  What made it happen.  Then I realized it.  He is SO uncomfortable with being loved that he doesn't know what to do.

When he came out of his "shut down" the first thing he said was "I don't deserve to be adopted.  Especially not by you."  He went on to list every single thing he could think of that he does that he thinks is wrong.  "I am disrespectful.  I am stupid.  I don't do what you ask.  I talk back to you.  I don't listen.  I break rules."

You name came out of his mouth.  I stopped him.  I told him that while I understand that those thoughts are in his head they are ugly and they are not true.  He absolutely deserves to be adopted...especially by me.  We talked about how all people make mistakes and how I don't expect him to be perfect.  I'm certainly not. 

He said, "You do all the things a mom is supposed to do and no one has ever done that before.  I don't deserve it."  Whether you think you deserve it or not, Middle Boy, you will always have my unconditional love.

Prayers for healing and understanding of self-worth.  Prayers for seeing himself as God sees him.
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