I have been emailing with a friend this morning...just to clear my head about the bullying.
She had the following words for me...words I needed to hear this morning...
Those old patterns of behavior (how life is) and survival behaviors are going to take time to unlearn -- for both boys. Trust will be built VERY slowly...despite all your efforts. There is so much to undo. You are working at it with herculean efforts, but it doesn't change overnight. That is the sad state of it.
In your anguish, do not doubt yourself. God has called you to a mission that I am not equipped for. But you KNOW you are called to this and God has put a live and passion for the "orphan" on your heart for a reason. Think of how your logic and ability to take the spewing emotion (far beyond most mothers?) has been a blessing in the progress made so far. You are a target for the emotions they have learned with other caregivers. Yes, it hurts and breaks your heart...but your strength and capacity for going right back out there are unreal!!
Thank you...I KNOW in my heart these are GOD's boys and He has entrusted me to raise them. I need to step up to the plate and do just that. No matter how hard or scary or frustrating. This is what He asked of me.
Does it mean today's revelation doesn't stink? No way. Do I dread talking to Middle Boy about bullying Younger Boy. ABSOLUTELY. I am certain it will bring a wrath down on me like those earlier this week.
Am I near my "breaking point"? I don't think so. I know I am more on edge and irritable lately. This whole adoption thing is not a walk in the park for me either emotionally.
Pray for us today. Pray as you feel led.
She had the following words for me...words I needed to hear this morning...
Those old patterns of behavior (how life is) and survival behaviors are going to take time to unlearn -- for both boys. Trust will be built VERY slowly...despite all your efforts. There is so much to undo. You are working at it with herculean efforts, but it doesn't change overnight. That is the sad state of it.
In your anguish, do not doubt yourself. God has called you to a mission that I am not equipped for. But you KNOW you are called to this and God has put a live and passion for the "orphan" on your heart for a reason. Think of how your logic and ability to take the spewing emotion (far beyond most mothers?) has been a blessing in the progress made so far. You are a target for the emotions they have learned with other caregivers. Yes, it hurts and breaks your heart...but your strength and capacity for going right back out there are unreal!!
Thank you...I KNOW in my heart these are GOD's boys and He has entrusted me to raise them. I need to step up to the plate and do just that. No matter how hard or scary or frustrating. This is what He asked of me.
Does it mean today's revelation doesn't stink? No way. Do I dread talking to Middle Boy about bullying Younger Boy. ABSOLUTELY. I am certain it will bring a wrath down on me like those earlier this week.
Am I near my "breaking point"? I don't think so. I know I am more on edge and irritable lately. This whole adoption thing is not a walk in the park for me either emotionally.
Pray for us today. Pray as you feel led.
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Denise, a wise person once told me…
I didn’t create the problem but I have chosen the fight, God has chosen me for the fight. They are in need of a “mamma” who will fight for them and about them. They need a “mamma” who will walk through life by their side no matter what life brings their way. God has chosen you and I to fight for these children, we are the “mamma” they need. Your friend is wise, the boy’s abuse & neglect was not created over night & it will not go away over night. It has taken all of their young life to create their behaviors and it will take most of their life to teach them how to live the life God has plan for them.
You can do this; you are strong beyond your feelings. I join you in your walk with the boys.
In times that I want to give up, I remember “I have chosen the fight, God has chosen me for the fight so that I will do, I will fight for them until the end.
Take care & praying for you today & always!
DeeDee