Today at therapy with Younger Boy I think we FINALLY GOT IT.
FINALLY.
Of course we won't know for a few days, but there were some things we discussed that made sense...IN HINDSIGHT.
Therapist C started talking about trust. Whether both 12-year old Younger Boy and more importantly four-year old Younger Boy trust me. He said they love me.
She explained how they are different.
She had me list some of the ways I provide for him and tell them to 12-year old Younger Boy so he could understand and then explain it to 4 year-old Younger Boy.
I started talking about shelter, clothes, transportation, and food. Immediately when I began talking about food his whole body language changed. Totally changed.
After lots of discussion we determined that 12 year-old Will doesn't believe there will always be enough food in our home. He doesn't believe it so there is NO WAY he can convince 4 year-old Younger Boy of it. We started talking about why.
Therapist C asked how often I go to the store. More than once per week. She asked if I buy food there. Yes. She asked if he went with me. Yes. She asked if there were kinds of food he needed that I didn't buy. No. She asked if there were kinds of food that we sometimes run out of that he needs. Yes, sometimes milk. She asked if there are other options when we run out of milk. Yes. Are those options acceptable? Yes.
She asked why he thought we would run out of food. He said it was because he doesn't know when I get paid and what if we don't have the money for food?
BREAKTHROUGH.
I don't talk about money. My check is auto-deposited every other week so we rarely have to go to the bank and never to a check cashing place. I am blessed enough to not ever have to say "we can't afford that or we have to wait until I get paid".
We explained to him that I am "smart" with my money and I have a good job and we have money and we don't have to worry about when I get paid, because there is money there. We could buy groceries every day if we needed to.
We can't go out and buy a car, but we can get groceries...and clothes...and pay for our heat.
He didn't understand that. It was stressing him out and he thought there would be no food.
Praises for a breakthrough. Maybe not the only one we need for emotional progress, but wow...a big deal.
FINALLY.
Of course we won't know for a few days, but there were some things we discussed that made sense...IN HINDSIGHT.
Therapist C started talking about trust. Whether both 12-year old Younger Boy and more importantly four-year old Younger Boy trust me. He said they love me.
She explained how they are different.
She had me list some of the ways I provide for him and tell them to 12-year old Younger Boy so he could understand and then explain it to 4 year-old Younger Boy.
I started talking about shelter, clothes, transportation, and food. Immediately when I began talking about food his whole body language changed. Totally changed.
After lots of discussion we determined that 12 year-old Will doesn't believe there will always be enough food in our home. He doesn't believe it so there is NO WAY he can convince 4 year-old Younger Boy of it. We started talking about why.
Therapist C asked how often I go to the store. More than once per week. She asked if I buy food there. Yes. She asked if he went with me. Yes. She asked if there were kinds of food he needed that I didn't buy. No. She asked if there were kinds of food that we sometimes run out of that he needs. Yes, sometimes milk. She asked if there are other options when we run out of milk. Yes. Are those options acceptable? Yes.
She asked why he thought we would run out of food. He said it was because he doesn't know when I get paid and what if we don't have the money for food?
BREAKTHROUGH.
I don't talk about money. My check is auto-deposited every other week so we rarely have to go to the bank and never to a check cashing place. I am blessed enough to not ever have to say "we can't afford that or we have to wait until I get paid".
We explained to him that I am "smart" with my money and I have a good job and we have money and we don't have to worry about when I get paid, because there is money there. We could buy groceries every day if we needed to.
We can't go out and buy a car, but we can get groceries...and clothes...and pay for our heat.
He didn't understand that. It was stressing him out and he thought there would be no food.
Praises for a breakthrough. Maybe not the only one we need for emotional progress, but wow...a big deal.
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