Tonight was SO UGLY.   Honestly I don't even know what started it.  It doesn't even matter.

Middle Boy has been ANGRY since I got home.  I don't know what it is.  He spent most of the day telling me that this isn't the family he wanted and that we never do anything together and how I suck as a mom.  He was so belittling and hurtful.  Very hurtful.

I couldn't get away from it.  I am still completely exhausted from camp...emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Every time I turned around he was verbally attacking me.  Nothing is ever right for him anymore.  NOTHING. 

I locked myself in my bathroom and lay on the floor and cried.  I give up.  I can't do this anymore.  I can't spend every day being verbally attacked and not have it hurt and leave a scar in the relationship.  I made plans about pulling the adoption papers and giving up the earnest deposit on the house and just being by myself.  Life was a lot easier then.

I could hear doors slamming and things being thrown.  I knew when I left my room there would be a huge mess to contend with and I didn't have the energy.

I need to pray about this.  I can't live like this anymore.  I don't want to live like this even one more day.