Tonight Middle Boy called and all of a sudden I was sad.  Sad about the situation.  Sad about all of the things going on in our lives.  Just sad.

I did something I promised myself I would NEVER do when talking to him on the phone...that is cry.  I just started crying.  I thought I was hiding it well, but literally 30 seconds later Middle Boy said "why are you crying?".  I didn't know.  I was just sad.  The emotion of all of this is exhausting.  The holidays are exhausting.

I feel horrible about crying on the phone with him.  Maybe it shows that I am real.  I don't know.