The boys and I were talking and Younger Boy told me he had a question for me. He said it was a serious question.
He asked me if he did the right thing by telling me Bio Mom had called him. He immediately burst into tears.
I asked him to talk to me about it. I asked if he felt guilty about telling me. He did.
I told him that Bio Mom is not supposed to talk to him, because he is supposed to be kept safe. I explained this meant safe in many ways. One way is physically safe so she and Bio Dad can't hurt him. I also explained that it is also to keep his heart and his mind safe.
We talked about how he still has a part of his heart and his mind that love Bio Mom very much and always will. We talked about how when he talked to Bio Mom it made his heart and his mind feel all mixed up. I told him it doesn't hurt my feelings that he still loves Bio Mom. I also told him we just have to stay safe.
We talked about how maybe he could talk to Bio Mom and Bio Grandma once he is adopted if his therapist thought it was safe for his mind.
This also brought up a tough discussion with Middle Boy. We have received word that Bio Mom is very sick due to years of drug abuse. The question I was asked to pose to Middle Boy was whether he thought he would have regrets if he didn't get the chance to tell her good-bye. He's fifteen...how on earth can he answer that?
We talked a little bit about it tonight since we were talking about Bio Families anyway. I told him he doesn't need to decide what he wants to do right now or even within the next few months. He was pretty clear he doesn't want to see her or talk to her, but he would like me to meet with her and tell her he is doing well and he is happy. I told him I would be happy to do that for him and we could talk more about it. I also asked him if he wanted to know when it was happening or if he just wanted me to handle it and let him know when it was done. He wants to think about that part.
As the adoption continues to get closer the sadness and the Bio Family questions seem to come to the forefront more often. Behavior issues are increasing.
We are now within a month of both adoptions.
Pray for open discussions and wisdom for the right words to say in these discussions. Pray for peace as we approach a new season of our lives as a family.
He asked me if he did the right thing by telling me Bio Mom had called him. He immediately burst into tears.
I asked him to talk to me about it. I asked if he felt guilty about telling me. He did.
I told him that Bio Mom is not supposed to talk to him, because he is supposed to be kept safe. I explained this meant safe in many ways. One way is physically safe so she and Bio Dad can't hurt him. I also explained that it is also to keep his heart and his mind safe.
We talked about how he still has a part of his heart and his mind that love Bio Mom very much and always will. We talked about how when he talked to Bio Mom it made his heart and his mind feel all mixed up. I told him it doesn't hurt my feelings that he still loves Bio Mom. I also told him we just have to stay safe.
We talked about how maybe he could talk to Bio Mom and Bio Grandma once he is adopted if his therapist thought it was safe for his mind.
This also brought up a tough discussion with Middle Boy. We have received word that Bio Mom is very sick due to years of drug abuse. The question I was asked to pose to Middle Boy was whether he thought he would have regrets if he didn't get the chance to tell her good-bye. He's fifteen...how on earth can he answer that?
We talked a little bit about it tonight since we were talking about Bio Families anyway. I told him he doesn't need to decide what he wants to do right now or even within the next few months. He was pretty clear he doesn't want to see her or talk to her, but he would like me to meet with her and tell her he is doing well and he is happy. I told him I would be happy to do that for him and we could talk more about it. I also asked him if he wanted to know when it was happening or if he just wanted me to handle it and let him know when it was done. He wants to think about that part.
As the adoption continues to get closer the sadness and the Bio Family questions seem to come to the forefront more often. Behavior issues are increasing.
We are now within a month of both adoptions.
Pray for open discussions and wisdom for the right words to say in these discussions. Pray for peace as we approach a new season of our lives as a family.
Posts
Post a Comment