I had therapy today.
We talked about some things I need to do. Some things which have my mind kicking and screaming. I just don't want to do them. Not going to do them. Anxiety is building up in me and I just don't want to think about it.
Item 1
I need to talk to M, Middle Boy's victim. I need to meet with her and find out what her motive is. Find out how I can help her while keeping Middle Boy physically and emotionally safe. Therapist has suggested we do it in one of my therapy sessions so she can facilitate and help since it is becoming quite clear M's mental stability is in question. She suggested I email M to set it up.
This needs to be done QUICKLY since we want to talk to her about not showing up at Middle Boy's adoption. He has been looking forward to this day for 10 years. I don't want anything to ruin it.
Pray for this one. I need wisdom in the words to say and compassion toward her.
Item 2
We have received word Middle Boy's Bio Mom is not well. He wants me to meet with her.
I have such mixed feelings about this. Big feelings.
I am working super hard to put myself in her shoes. To be compassionate and understanding.
Therapist asked if I have fears surrounding the meeting. I don't think fear is the right word. Anxiety...absolutely.
She still lives in town. Do I want her to know where we live and where he goes to school? Not really. Do I want to be friends? Not really. Am I angry at her for not protecting Middle Boy all those years ago? You bet I am. Am I angry about the things Middle Boy is having to deal with which are consequences of her choices? Absolutely. Can I contain all of that emotion when we meet? I don't know. Do I need to? Not really sure about that either.
Again...I am the one who is going to have to reach out. Pray for wisdom and compassion. Pray for peace about this meeting.
Item 3
Younger Boy's Bio Family. Younger Boy wants to meet with them. Once he is adopted it is completely at my discretion.
How do I feel about this? I don't know. Anxious? You bet. Scared? Not really...at least I don't think so.
This one is a little more complicated. Bio Mom and Bio Dad are still together. He loves Bio Mom and is terrified of Bio Dad. Can there be one without the other? I don't know...maybe one day.
He also wants to see Bio Grandma and Bio Grandpa. Because I am a Facebookstalker detective I know they are still here in town. I also know she has a photo of Younger Boy, Younger Sister, and Older Boy as her profile photo.
Younger Boy is going to push me on this one. At this point I can wrap my mind around Older Sister, Bio Grandma and Bio Grandpa. I struggle with Bio Mom and Bio Dad and I need to work through it.
I need wisdom here. I need peace.
Therapist and I talked a lot about what it means to reach out to the Bio Parents. Her experience is that it strengthens the relationship between the adoptive parent and child, because it shows that you love them enough to get over your own fear to embrace their biological parents.
These things are so foreign to me. I didn't grow up talking about things...especially emotion. It is making me want to talk to my family about a lot of big feelings I have had for a long time. I just don't know how.
Maybe in all of this...that I what I am supposed to learn.
We talked about some things I need to do. Some things which have my mind kicking and screaming. I just don't want to do them. Not going to do them. Anxiety is building up in me and I just don't want to think about it.
Item 1
I need to talk to M, Middle Boy's victim. I need to meet with her and find out what her motive is. Find out how I can help her while keeping Middle Boy physically and emotionally safe. Therapist has suggested we do it in one of my therapy sessions so she can facilitate and help since it is becoming quite clear M's mental stability is in question. She suggested I email M to set it up.
This needs to be done QUICKLY since we want to talk to her about not showing up at Middle Boy's adoption. He has been looking forward to this day for 10 years. I don't want anything to ruin it.
Pray for this one. I need wisdom in the words to say and compassion toward her.
Item 2
We have received word Middle Boy's Bio Mom is not well. He wants me to meet with her.
I have such mixed feelings about this. Big feelings.
I am working super hard to put myself in her shoes. To be compassionate and understanding.
Therapist asked if I have fears surrounding the meeting. I don't think fear is the right word. Anxiety...absolutely.
She still lives in town. Do I want her to know where we live and where he goes to school? Not really. Do I want to be friends? Not really. Am I angry at her for not protecting Middle Boy all those years ago? You bet I am. Am I angry about the things Middle Boy is having to deal with which are consequences of her choices? Absolutely. Can I contain all of that emotion when we meet? I don't know. Do I need to? Not really sure about that either.
Again...I am the one who is going to have to reach out. Pray for wisdom and compassion. Pray for peace about this meeting.
Item 3
Younger Boy's Bio Family. Younger Boy wants to meet with them. Once he is adopted it is completely at my discretion.
How do I feel about this? I don't know. Anxious? You bet. Scared? Not really...at least I don't think so.
This one is a little more complicated. Bio Mom and Bio Dad are still together. He loves Bio Mom and is terrified of Bio Dad. Can there be one without the other? I don't know...maybe one day.
He also wants to see Bio Grandma and Bio Grandpa. Because I am a Facebook
Younger Boy is going to push me on this one. At this point I can wrap my mind around Older Sister, Bio Grandma and Bio Grandpa. I struggle with Bio Mom and Bio Dad and I need to work through it.
I need wisdom here. I need peace.
Therapist and I talked a lot about what it means to reach out to the Bio Parents. Her experience is that it strengthens the relationship between the adoptive parent and child, because it shows that you love them enough to get over your own fear to embrace their biological parents.
These things are so foreign to me. I didn't grow up talking about things...especially emotion. It is making me want to talk to my family about a lot of big feelings I have had for a long time. I just don't know how.
Maybe in all of this...that I what I am supposed to learn.
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