The boys wanted to have a pretty low key evening so they listened to music in their room.   Both boys love music...all genres.

As they were listening Younger Boy started crying.  Sobbing actually.

Middle Boy came to me and told me I needed to talk to Younger Boy, because he had cried three times while they were listening to music...all of the tears about his family.

I got Younger Boy and asked him what was going on.  He covered up his face and wouldn't talk.  This is something he always does when he cries.  I reminded him it is okay to cry.  No one is going to get in trouble for crying.

The floodgates opened.  It was the breakthrough Therapist C and Therapist D told me was going to come....soon.  Younger Boy cried and listed abusive event after abusive event.  In the past there was always just a single event...the scar on the head.  Trauma after trauma.  Tears...lots of tears.

I just listened.  I am SO PROUD of him for opening up.  At therapy we have been telling him "for the mad to get out it is going to need to come out of his mouth".  That absolutely happened tonight.

The impact of this on Middle Boy was profound as well.  There was an enormous amount of guilt.  He thought he made Younger Boy cry by the songs he had picked.

Middle Boy went to the living room, lay down on the sofa, and dissociated.  Completely checked out.  Couldn't get his attention...very trance like.  While I wish it didn't happen it does show the amount of love he has for Younger Boy.

Younger Boy had never seen it before and he was worried.  I asked him if the music Middle Boy played made him cry.  He said "no my heart and my head made me cry".  I told him we needed to tell Middle Boy that when he "came back" and we needed to tell him he is a good big brother and we love him and ask for a hug.  He REALLY wanted to do it.  He tried while Middle Boy was dissociated, but he couldn't get his attention.

When Middle Boy rejoined us Younger Boy told him what he wanted to say.  It was BEAUTIFUL.

I asked if we could talk.  I told them as the adoption grow closer there are going to be big feelings coming out about birth families.  There is going to be sad and mad and confused.  We are going to have to talk about them. 

I asked Middle Boy if that was also going on with him.  He said he wasn't sure what he was feeling and then he dissociated again...only for a minute or so.

Both boys wanted to sleep in my bed...sign of healing, but WAY TOO CROWDED.  I agreed to let them hang out in there with me until they were too tired and then they could go to their own beds.  That seemed to work.  Younger Boy asked me to sing to them.

Yikes...has he not heard me sing?  I sang lullabies.  It seemed like what we needed.

Honestly...I don't know what to pray for or praise God for regarding this night.  I myself am having some big feelings about it.  I know there is healing happening...every day some more healing.  That I KNOW I can be thankful for.