As I read Anne's parenting post today I was encouraged by it. 

Rewards

You see my boys don't find some of those things she listed to be very easy.

Her list and my observations of my boys:

1. Sharing - both boys actually do fairly well at this.
2. Honesty - both boys are working on this.  It is going to be a really hard one to overcome.  For both of them it is a survival skill.  They will lie about things you can actually verify.  A good example would be last night when Younger Boy was talking in a baby voice in the car.  Three people in the car.  It was a child's voice.  I have a female voice and Middle Boy has a male voice.  When I asked Younger Boy if he was talking like a baby he said no.  Seriously?  I can SEE AND HEAR you.  He insisted it was NOT him.  We have discussions like this all the time.  For them it is survival.
3. Eye contact - Younger Boy with everyone except me and Middle Boy with no one.
4. Appropriate physical boundaries - this is something we have worked really hard toward.  Middle Boy does better than Younger Boy, but both could use work.
5. Respectful language - I need to know what this is!!  I don't often hear it.
6. Putting forth effort in school - Not a strong suit.
7. Understanding the sense of a "family" - They loosely understand what a family is, but they are terrified of the concept and what it means to them.
8. Contributing to chores - We are working on this with the chore chart.
9. Resolving disputes in a controlled manner - Um...it's getting better.  Becoming enraged over something "minor" doesn't happen nearly as often and things like peeing in the bathtub because you are mad haven't happened in a couple of months.  Progress?

I agree with Anne.  I get comments all the time on this blog about why don't I just punish them for such and such behavior and why I would reward honesty when it should be expected.  Because IT DOESN'T WORK!!  I can have all of the expectations in the world, but I have to adapt them to the kids in front of me.  In many ways I think I am at an advantage, because I don't have biological children.  I have two RADs.  There aren't different methods of parenting needing to be done in my home at the same time.  Just full court press...RAD style.

Praises for my ability to adapt and for people being supportive and working to understand.  Praises for the people in my support system who already "get it", because they are invaluable to us.  Praises for Anne, who every Tuesday makes me feel a little less crazy!