I asked to check Middle Boy's texts. He FREAKED out.
Apparently I am the only unreasonable parent who ever asks to read texts and my answer for why I want to do it (to keep him safe) is complete "bull crap". He is perfectly capable of keeping himself safe and I obviously don't trust him. I should just say it. Admit it. I don't trust him.
He threw a popsicle across the room and I lost my patience. I told him you do not throw things in anger in my home. He could apologize or Younger Boy and I would go upstairs until he was capable of an apology. He SWORE he didn't throw it. Did he forget I was in the room? He just kept lying and then he said "There. How does it feel to be lied to?"
Again...a reactive attachment moment. He immediately felt guilty and wouldn't look at me. Refused to make eye contact. I just sat in a chair near him and watched him cry.
I am starting to learn the signals of when he needs to reconnect. He will look up to make sure I am there and then if I go to him he always wants to hold my hand and talk.
He and I went through the texts together and we talked about the kinds of things which would be "unsafe" or questionable.
We talked about how it might seem like I am strict compared to parents of his friends. I explained while most of them had lived with their parents for their whole lives those parents have a good idea of how their kids will react and behave in certain situations. I didn't have it with these boys. I am learning as I go and I didn't have all of those years to watch them make choices in all different kinds of situations. I explained it is really hard to start with big stuff. He completely understood.
I am thankful God gives me the wisdom I need in these discussions. Praises for open communication although sometimes it is frustrating and infuriating. Prayers for trust...both ways.
Apparently I am the only unreasonable parent who ever asks to read texts and my answer for why I want to do it (to keep him safe) is complete "bull crap". He is perfectly capable of keeping himself safe and I obviously don't trust him. I should just say it. Admit it. I don't trust him.
He threw a popsicle across the room and I lost my patience. I told him you do not throw things in anger in my home. He could apologize or Younger Boy and I would go upstairs until he was capable of an apology. He SWORE he didn't throw it. Did he forget I was in the room? He just kept lying and then he said "There. How does it feel to be lied to?"
Again...a reactive attachment moment. He immediately felt guilty and wouldn't look at me. Refused to make eye contact. I just sat in a chair near him and watched him cry.
I am starting to learn the signals of when he needs to reconnect. He will look up to make sure I am there and then if I go to him he always wants to hold my hand and talk.
He and I went through the texts together and we talked about the kinds of things which would be "unsafe" or questionable.
We talked about how it might seem like I am strict compared to parents of his friends. I explained while most of them had lived with their parents for their whole lives those parents have a good idea of how their kids will react and behave in certain situations. I didn't have it with these boys. I am learning as I go and I didn't have all of those years to watch them make choices in all different kinds of situations. I explained it is really hard to start with big stuff. He completely understood.
I am thankful God gives me the wisdom I need in these discussions. Praises for open communication although sometimes it is frustrating and infuriating. Prayers for trust...both ways.
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