For some reason this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks that I am grieving Older Boy leaving.  I feel horribly guilty about the whole thing.  How do you tell someone who won't understand that you made the decision that it was time for them to go?  That you just couldn't do it anymore.  As the realization that the delay in the details of the move becomes more and more obvious that there is no place for him to go the worse I feel.

If he ends up in the emergency shelter I'm not sure I can handle it.

I am going to have to walk Middle Boy and Younger Boy through the grieving process...both at different speeds and with different degrees of grief I am sure.  God can heal all things...I know he can.

I want to be relieved that when I go home at night I won't be preparing for battle and spend the entire evening being belittled and berated.  I'm not.

I want to have peace about the move.  I don't.

I want to know in my heart that this is without a doubt the right thing.  I have doubt.

I want to be able to sleep again at night.  I can't.

God please help me navigate the next few weeks.  I need you now.

I read something on facebook this morning that made me stop to think.

"Sometimes God calms the storm...something He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

Prayers for calm.
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