I had no idea today would be as emotional for me as it is.  I thought I would be sad, but I am literally overcome with emotion.  I have been fighting back tears all morning.

Younger Boy has school all day today.  Middle Boy and Older Boy don't.  As a result the goodbye between all of the boys had to happen this morning before we left.

Middle Boy was still in bed since he is staying home with Babysitter M.  He grunted "bye" to Older Boy.

Younger Boy and Older Boy didn't say much.  We got to Younger Boy's daycare to drop him off and their goodbye went like this:

Younger Boy - "Goodbye."
Older Boy - "Goodbye."
Younger Boy - "Have a good life at Mom and Dad J's."

Younger Boy got out of the car and never looked back.  No wave...nothing.

Older Boy started talking about Captain America.

My heart was breaking.  I had been bracing myself for a sad goodbye.  I wanted them to care.  I knew that it might be a goodbye void of emotion, but I wasn't prepared for just how emotionless it really was.  It makes my heart break for all of them all over again.  For their inability to create bonds.  For all of the goodbyes they have had to say and for all the times they have had to walk away and not look back....couldn't look back.

I am grieving for them.  Grieving for the lives they might have had and the things they might have done.  For a life free of all the heartache and pain they have had to face in their young lives....pain like most of us will NEVER experience.

Bear with me the next few days as I work through this.  The roller coaster probably isn't going to stop any time soon.

Prayers for all of the boys and for healing hearts.