I have been reflecting a lot on what I could have done differently with Older Boy and his behaviors.
I should have been more detailed in my monthly report writing.  I should have written every detail down about what was going on at home.  If nothing else it would have been better documentation for his behavior patterns.
I should have asked for help sooner.  I should have used respite once a month at a minimum.  I shouldn’t have worried about it seeming like I couldn’t handle it and I should have just asked.  I should have taken breaks away from both boys.
I should have pushed harder for more services.  I should have said REALLY EARLY that our first therapist wasn’t going to cut it.  I should have insisted we get the CTA we were promised and actually made a huge deal out of it when they didn’t show up and when they were more trouble than they were worth.
I should have written the court when Service Coordinator wasn’t following through with her responsibilities.  I should have let Guardian Ad Litem know that we weren’t getting court ordered services in a timely manner.
Would it have made a difference?  I don’t know.  Would I have not had to put in my two week’s notice before a group home was found?  Maybe.  Will I do it different next time?  I hope so.  The system is so very broken.   It isn’t unlike the brokenness of the world.  The unfortunate thing is that the kids are the pawns in this system and from my vantage point not much of what is done is done for their welfare.
More and more often God is putting on my heart that I can make a difference.  That the reason I am going through all of this is to be an advocate for change. 
Pray doors can be opened.  Pray for no regrets.
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