In the words of Younger Boy...what my head and my heart say are two different things.

My head says as soon as we have the official paperwork stating the boys can be separated that we force the hand of the agency by putting in my two week's notice.  Would I be willing to keep him longer?  Probably, if I thought they were taking positive steps forward and following through with commitments and what they said they would do.  At this point I can't say that in good faith.  What frustrates me even more is the lack of communication with me. 

One thing making me feel a little less weary about it is that today Foster Care Specialist told me she thinks they might have a home which could bridge the gap between my home and group home.  They are a good home.  They have no other kiddos in their home.  They could focus on Older Boy.  Foster Care Specialist would stay on his case.  It kind of seems like a good solution.  They are just finishing up a "break" after their last placement returned home and have put their name back in to accept placements.  Is this the answer to all of our prayers?

My heart won't let me send him away if I know he is going to an emergency shelter.  I just can't.  With all the heartache, pain, frustration and tears he has caused me I still love him.  I still have compassion and mercy toward him.  I know in my heart of hearts he doesn't understand his actions and doesn't currently have the skills to help himself.  I pray one day he will.

I was reminded of the following verse today on a friend's blog...I cried....

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" - Matthew 11:28

Continued prayers for Older Boy...prayers for peace.
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