Younger Boy had a football game today so I picked up Middle Boy at school.

For the next twenty minutes I got his wrath.  I am an unfit parent.  What was I thinking asking him such a question in front of his friends?  I am completely rude and disrespectful.  I don't f-ing understand him.  I have a family.  This is all "on me".  I am stupid and don't care about anything except for myself.  There has never been a time when I loved him.  Maybe when we get to court he'll just say he doesn't want to be adopted by me.  How will that feel?  I don't respect him and I deserve being treated like this.  It is his RIGHT because I disrespected him first.  His whole life is just bullcrap.  If his team gets involved he is going to look at each of them individually and tell them to f*** off.  That's what they deserve anyway.  He's done using his "new life" as the reason he keeps himself from getting in trouble, because his "new life" sucks just as much as all of the old ones added together.  I am a liar and all of the sneaking around I do with his team is deceitful.  Why don't I try telling him the truth once in a while?  He isn't going to respect me until I can respect him and I can just wait and talk to him when I have thought about my actions and my words.

There are times when I have the ability to sit there and not say a word and there are times when I fight back, because I am under attack.  I'm not going to lie.  It sucks to be talked to this way....every day.

I KNOW that it isn't me he is mad it.  It isn't, but today...this hurt.

Pray I can get through to him and figure out what is going on.  Pray I can give his words toward me over to God.  I need to.